Saturday, February 20, 2010

Advice for approaching a threesome

Recent inquiry about how to have a threesome with another woman from a girl and her boyfriend. Here's my response if any one's interested:

"First and for most, communication is key. Since you mentioned your boyfriend and you both want to have a threesome, make sure you both are on the same page. Is this
something you both want? What is the ultimate outcome for both of you? For example, if you both enjoyed it, does this mean you are going to do it again, or is this a one time thing? Another important factor to discuss is in terms of sexual content: what is allowed and what would make you uncomfortable. Who can touch who where? Is there going to be penetration, and if so, who can penetrate whom? Is it okay to stop something during the event? I would recommend using the "stop light system", where if your starting to feel uncomfortable you say "yellow" to indicate to your partners that you are not entirely happy. "Red" is used if the scene ever goes too far. "Green" is for when your ready to start up again. Also talk about things you would like your partner to do with your guest. Would you like them to stimulate you together? Do you think it would be hot to watch them make out? Make this a time for exploration as well as fantasy!

This may seem like a lot to talk about before hand, but being on the same page is
extremely important when it comes to multiple partners in one bedroom. It is also
extremely important to check in with each other and your guest during the course of the event as well as after. Don't forget that your guest is a person too! Ask her what she likes and wants to do, let her in on the plan.

I would highly recommend reading "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. It is good for all genders to read and approaches different "slutty" situations from an open position. Another sex educator to check out is Tristan Taormino. She wrote a book called "Opening up" which is a guide for couples who are thinking about exploring non-monogamy. (You can find both of these books at www.purepleasureshop.com) But that may be veering away from the general "threesome" category. Tristan also made an instructional video/porn called "Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Threesomes" where she displays many different ways to have threesomes, as well as how to pick a playmate. And it's porn, which is always a hot way to get into the mood and gives you ideas.

As where to find one, it depends on your area. Some cities have local swingers clubs. I would recommend fetlife.com, a social network for the fetish community that actually has many groups for couples interested in threesomes or poly interactions.

Good luck and if you have anymore questions feel free to email me!

-Avi Answers"

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