Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Dear Avi: I Bought the We-Vibe and I don't like it. Help!

Dear Avi,
I bought the We-Vibe ( and I don’t like it! I don’t want to throw it out cuz I spent money on it, but my boyfriend and I don’t like it. I got it cuz my friends liked it! What do I do?


So you bought a toy and brought it home only to find out that this is not right the toy for you? You are not alone. I like to think of sex toys as lovers. You must date around to find a compatible lover, and what may be attractive in a lover for your friends may not be right match for you. Everybody is different when it comes to sex toys and it’s important to keep your own sexual preferences in mind over what’s “popular” or advertised as “the best”.

That being said, you bought the toy and you don’t like it. There are many ways to go from here. You could toss it and call it a loss (make sure to note what you did and didn’t like about the toy for future reference), you could give it to a friend (if the toy is sanitizable and the friend is willing) or you can think outside the sex toy box. I love to encourage folks to think outside of how the toy is “designed” to be used and figure out a way that fits your own sexual style (safely of course). For example, say you buy a vibrating cock ring and you (or your partner) just don’t like it. Think outside the box! Put the ring on your hand and use it as a vibrator for hand play, or slip it over a dildo to make it into a dual stimulation toy! Just because a toy is advertised for one specific purpose doesn’t mean that it can only be used that way.

Okay, so let’s talk about the We-Vibe.

The We-Vibe is advertised as a (male/female) “couples” toy, where one part is inserted into the vagina, and the other part lays on top of the vulva, vibrating the clitoris.
The inside part vibrates as well and is ribbed to create texture as well as possible g-spot action. The “couples” part of it is that the inside part is designed to be slim enough to allow penetration while the toy is inside.

Therefore, it allows hands free vibrations during penetration. Sounds intriguing, no? Did I mention that it’s also rechargeable, and that the new updated version is waterproof and remote controlled?

Since the We-Vibe is designed for a specific purpose (hands free vibrations for couples during vaginal penetrative sex) it is possible that it is not the right lover for everyone. Then again, it may be the perfect lover for some and they can't get enough of it. Everyone's different! Have I stressed that enough? Maybe it ends up you or your partner don’t like that kind of vibration, or maybe it doesn’t really hit your clitoris the way you like, or maybe it is uncomfortable for you to have the insertable part inside with penetrations. There are lots of different possibilities, and since this runs at over $100 I can understand your frustration on finding that it just isn’t right for you.

So here are some ideas and recommendations that I have given out to folks who want to use the We-Vibe in a different way! Also, thank you to my vulva puppet ( for assisting me with this demonstration; I couldn’t have done it without you!

1. Uncomfortable to use with a partner? Does you or your partner not like the sensation? Use it on the vulva for self or partner masturbation!

It may sound too simple, but just because the toy says that it can be used with additional penetration doesn’t mean that is HAS to. Use the We-Vibe by itself as a clitoral vibrator that has a penetrative aspect. Rock back and forth with it and see if you enjoy the slender penetrative part. Insert it and hump a pillow or your partner!

2. Don’t care for the insertion part? Use it for external clitoral stimulation!

I always say, “If it vibrates, it can (usually) be used as a clit vibrator”. You’d be surprised how many people believe that if something says that it is designed for penetration, then that is the only way it can be used. Use either end as a vibrator for your vulva. Try laying the intended insertable part on the clitoris, and then laying the rest of the toy on your public mound. By vibrating the public mound you can actually stimulate the inner workings of the vagina, like the g-spot!

3. Is the vibration not strong enough? Use it to pin point!

The design of the We-Vibe is in a U formation that can be used to “pinch” an area where vibration is desired. In addition to vibration, pressure is found to be very arousing as it makes vibrations stronger and pin points the area that the buzzing is directed to.

4. Put it on your hand and TADA! Your hand is a vibrator!

I mentioned this earlier in how putting a vibrating cock ring on your hand makes your hand a vibrator. Well, the same can be applied to the We-Vibe. Clip it to your hand to make vulva, penis, or any body part play tinglier!

5. Don’t like it inserted inside the vagina, but still want to use it during sex? Put it on a shaft!

The clip design of the We-Vibe makes it be able to sit on top of a shaft (dildo, penis, etc.), which then can be used for penetration if desired. Think of it as a cock ring that isn’t fully enclosed in a circle and is easily removable, but vibrates! Explore with the positioning of the toy on the shaft and see what feels good!

I hope I have given you a few good ideas on what to do when a toy doesn’t work out for you. Remember that just because a toy isn’t the right fit for you, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t one out there that can rock your socks off. Explore, play safe, and let me know if you have any more questions!


We-Vibe can be found at
Vulva Puppet can be found at

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