Sunday, March 18, 2012
More international adventures for Avi!
I have been packing and preparing myself for the adventure that is called: Japan! I will be going for a week and a half to Osaka and Kyoto for vacation, but plan to find something sexy and educational to blog about.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Step by step harassment
Today I was harassed by a person in the shop.
I find that it is important for me to share this experience, because even though I have worked in sex shops for numerous years and have been hit on multiple times, it never stops affecting me. I am an advocate for safe spaces and respecting others, and am very passionate about sex worker rights. I believe that sex workers deserve the same respect as any other "normal" occupation, and that harassment is not something that should be brushed off. I've had a few people tell me that since I work in the industry, I should get used to this type of treatment.
I will never get used to it, and I will never be silent about it happening.
Here's my story:
Guy comes into the store and asks if it's okay for him to be in here. He is a local "street person" who hangs around the downtown shops asking if any of them would like to have their windows cleaned. He carries window washing equipment with him, hence why we call him "The Window Washer." He has been in the shop a few times before, and is known to go into the back book section, read a little, and then leave. The last time he was here he told me that he liked seeing all the people in the store, but especially couples. While his comment did register as odd, I didn't think anything past it. This time when he came in, he went straight for the register that I was at. He smiled and commented on how I looked, which I passed off with a smile. Then he started looking me up and down and asked what time I got off work. I told him that wasn't an okay thing to say and he smiles and laughs and says he's kidding and I should know that. I am taken aback, as this guy is usually harmless. He tries to get my name out of me, and I try to shut him down but am extremely flustered since I was caught off guard. He laughs and walks over to the book section.
I am going to break in here and make note that anyone can get caught off guard, no matter how much experience they have with sexual harassment. Even though I tend to consider myself a tough cookie when it comes to handling sex remarks during work, it doesn't always happen the way I plan. Sometimes I crumble under pressure.
I see that there is a middle aged woman already in the book section and I get worried that he's going to talk to her in the same manner that he talked to me. My co-worker is also looking concerned, so we both walk around the area to keep an eye on him. As I am standing in the middle of the store, he walks over to me with his hand in his pocket and says he has something for me. I actually find myself stepping backwards, preparing myself for either a knife, or his penis. He knows I look uncomfortable and shocked, and smiles. He takes out a pen and then motions on his hand that he would like my number while smiling at me. He moves in closer, and I finally gather myself to tell him that he is being inappropriate and I am not okay with his behavior. He looks puzzled and says "What, you don't like nice guys?" He stumbles away and I move to go back to the register so that I will have a counter in between us in case I need to do anything. I notice while walking that he is following me, and I make a loop around the store just to make sure. Yes, he is definitely following me. Suddenly he turns around and walks out, leaving his belongings in the book section. He returns a minute later to grab his things and makes sure to come very close to the counter so that I know he is there.
I find myself feeling like I didn't do enough. Like I needed to throw him out, or tell him off. That I should do better next time.
In reality, I do not have to do better. He does. I am not to blame for this incident. I should not have to feel guilty about my reaction to being harassed. Just because I work at a sex shop, doesn't give him the right to hit on me or make me feel uncomfortable. I am a fucking sex worker and a person. I am not your target.
I find that it is important for me to share this experience, because even though I have worked in sex shops for numerous years and have been hit on multiple times, it never stops affecting me. I am an advocate for safe spaces and respecting others, and am very passionate about sex worker rights. I believe that sex workers deserve the same respect as any other "normal" occupation, and that harassment is not something that should be brushed off. I've had a few people tell me that since I work in the industry, I should get used to this type of treatment.
I will never get used to it, and I will never be silent about it happening.
Here's my story:
Guy comes into the store and asks if it's okay for him to be in here. He is a local "street person" who hangs around the downtown shops asking if any of them would like to have their windows cleaned. He carries window washing equipment with him, hence why we call him "The Window Washer." He has been in the shop a few times before, and is known to go into the back book section, read a little, and then leave. The last time he was here he told me that he liked seeing all the people in the store, but especially couples. While his comment did register as odd, I didn't think anything past it. This time when he came in, he went straight for the register that I was at. He smiled and commented on how I looked, which I passed off with a smile. Then he started looking me up and down and asked what time I got off work. I told him that wasn't an okay thing to say and he smiles and laughs and says he's kidding and I should know that. I am taken aback, as this guy is usually harmless. He tries to get my name out of me, and I try to shut him down but am extremely flustered since I was caught off guard. He laughs and walks over to the book section.
I am going to break in here and make note that anyone can get caught off guard, no matter how much experience they have with sexual harassment. Even though I tend to consider myself a tough cookie when it comes to handling sex remarks during work, it doesn't always happen the way I plan. Sometimes I crumble under pressure.
I see that there is a middle aged woman already in the book section and I get worried that he's going to talk to her in the same manner that he talked to me. My co-worker is also looking concerned, so we both walk around the area to keep an eye on him. As I am standing in the middle of the store, he walks over to me with his hand in his pocket and says he has something for me. I actually find myself stepping backwards, preparing myself for either a knife, or his penis. He knows I look uncomfortable and shocked, and smiles. He takes out a pen and then motions on his hand that he would like my number while smiling at me. He moves in closer, and I finally gather myself to tell him that he is being inappropriate and I am not okay with his behavior. He looks puzzled and says "What, you don't like nice guys?" He stumbles away and I move to go back to the register so that I will have a counter in between us in case I need to do anything. I notice while walking that he is following me, and I make a loop around the store just to make sure. Yes, he is definitely following me. Suddenly he turns around and walks out, leaving his belongings in the book section. He returns a minute later to grab his things and makes sure to come very close to the counter so that I know he is there.
I find myself feeling like I didn't do enough. Like I needed to throw him out, or tell him off. That I should do better next time.
In reality, I do not have to do better. He does. I am not to blame for this incident. I should not have to feel guilty about my reaction to being harassed. Just because I work at a sex shop, doesn't give him the right to hit on me or make me feel uncomfortable. I am a fucking sex worker and a person. I am not your target.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Today a woman asked if we sold roofies...
…because she wanted to surprise her boyfriend. It was either that, or some peppermint flavored lube that tingled.
Your kink is not my kink,
but please don’t roofie your boyfriend without his consent.
Non-consent is not sexy.
Your kink is not my kink,
but please don’t roofie your boyfriend without his consent.
Non-consent is not sexy.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Little tips from life
This week has had it's roll of interesting people coming in. I have to reiterate, that no matter how much I complain/bitch, I LOVE my job and love the weird/awkward/sexy/terrible interactions that I have with people. Anyways, let's get to the fun part.
This woman came in with her obviously 5-6 year old riding a bicycle. When I informed her that we don't allow children in the store she looked at me funny and said "you don't allow babies?" I looked at her and then the kid on the bike and held back the urge to inform her that her child was not a baby. I instead repeated the law, that anyone under 18 are not allowed in the store. I also held back the fact that bikes are also not allowed. Sorry, but it is ILLEGAL to have a walking, talking, bicycle riding child in the store. Sex shops have been closed down for much less.
A woman came in asking for advice on how to rim her boyfriend. If you are not familiar with this term, "rimming" is the act of oral sex on the anal opening. The reason people enjoy this is because the anal opening had just as many nerve endings as your lips and other sensitive areas. Some people enjoy the feeling on a tongue or a finger running across the opening. It is also a very intimate act, that some people find very sexy because of it's taboo nature. I first brought her to our condom and lube section and showed her a dental dam, which is what some people like to use for oral anal contact. Some people like this because it creates a barrier between the mouth and the anus as well as protects from any STI transmissions. We then looked at anal vibrators, because the anal opening is also very receptive to vibrations. As I was ringing her up, guess who walked in? Her boyfriend and his brother! They both laughed and blushed, but let each other have their private shopping experiences. If you run into your partner at a sex shop, it is totally okay to let them continue their visit on their own and then talk later. It's fun to know that there is something sexy coming to you or your partner. Also, exploring something new for your partner is also sexy!
A woman came in to return/exchange a vibrator that had broken. I noticed that it was unusually warm, and asked if she stored it with the batteries in it. She said yes. Important note! Remove your toys batteries because they can overheat and can break your toy! Oh, also please clean your toys before you bring them in. It's a little gross for us to have to clean toys after they've been returned.
This woman came in with her obviously 5-6 year old riding a bicycle. When I informed her that we don't allow children in the store she looked at me funny and said "you don't allow babies?" I looked at her and then the kid on the bike and held back the urge to inform her that her child was not a baby. I instead repeated the law, that anyone under 18 are not allowed in the store. I also held back the fact that bikes are also not allowed. Sorry, but it is ILLEGAL to have a walking, talking, bicycle riding child in the store. Sex shops have been closed down for much less.
A woman came in asking for advice on how to rim her boyfriend. If you are not familiar with this term, "rimming" is the act of oral sex on the anal opening. The reason people enjoy this is because the anal opening had just as many nerve endings as your lips and other sensitive areas. Some people enjoy the feeling on a tongue or a finger running across the opening. It is also a very intimate act, that some people find very sexy because of it's taboo nature. I first brought her to our condom and lube section and showed her a dental dam, which is what some people like to use for oral anal contact. Some people like this because it creates a barrier between the mouth and the anus as well as protects from any STI transmissions. We then looked at anal vibrators, because the anal opening is also very receptive to vibrations. As I was ringing her up, guess who walked in? Her boyfriend and his brother! They both laughed and blushed, but let each other have their private shopping experiences. If you run into your partner at a sex shop, it is totally okay to let them continue their visit on their own and then talk later. It's fun to know that there is something sexy coming to you or your partner. Also, exploring something new for your partner is also sexy!
A woman came in to return/exchange a vibrator that had broken. I noticed that it was unusually warm, and asked if she stored it with the batteries in it. She said yes. Important note! Remove your toys batteries because they can overheat and can break your toy! Oh, also please clean your toys before you bring them in. It's a little gross for us to have to clean toys after they've been returned.
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