Saturday, November 24, 2012

Avi has moved!

I have moved all my content to
So please check over there for updates! I will not be using this again!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I'm performing at Bawdy Storytelling: The Sex Educator Dow Low. Do you have any favorite stories of mine from my sex shop days?

email me at

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Where is Avi

Hi folks! I am currently working on a new website. I will let you know when it's up!!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Dear Avi: I Bought the We-Vibe and I don't like it. Help!

Dear Avi,
I bought the We-Vibe ( and I don’t like it! I don’t want to throw it out cuz I spent money on it, but my boyfriend and I don’t like it. I got it cuz my friends liked it! What do I do?


So you bought a toy and brought it home only to find out that this is not right the toy for you? You are not alone. I like to think of sex toys as lovers. You must date around to find a compatible lover, and what may be attractive in a lover for your friends may not be right match for you. Everybody is different when it comes to sex toys and it’s important to keep your own sexual preferences in mind over what’s “popular” or advertised as “the best”.

That being said, you bought the toy and you don’t like it. There are many ways to go from here. You could toss it and call it a loss (make sure to note what you did and didn’t like about the toy for future reference), you could give it to a friend (if the toy is sanitizable and the friend is willing) or you can think outside the sex toy box. I love to encourage folks to think outside of how the toy is “designed” to be used and figure out a way that fits your own sexual style (safely of course). For example, say you buy a vibrating cock ring and you (or your partner) just don’t like it. Think outside the box! Put the ring on your hand and use it as a vibrator for hand play, or slip it over a dildo to make it into a dual stimulation toy! Just because a toy is advertised for one specific purpose doesn’t mean that it can only be used that way.

Okay, so let’s talk about the We-Vibe.

The We-Vibe is advertised as a (male/female) “couples” toy, where one part is inserted into the vagina, and the other part lays on top of the vulva, vibrating the clitoris.
The inside part vibrates as well and is ribbed to create texture as well as possible g-spot action. The “couples” part of it is that the inside part is designed to be slim enough to allow penetration while the toy is inside.

Therefore, it allows hands free vibrations during penetration. Sounds intriguing, no? Did I mention that it’s also rechargeable, and that the new updated version is waterproof and remote controlled?

Since the We-Vibe is designed for a specific purpose (hands free vibrations for couples during vaginal penetrative sex) it is possible that it is not the right lover for everyone. Then again, it may be the perfect lover for some and they can't get enough of it. Everyone's different! Have I stressed that enough? Maybe it ends up you or your partner don’t like that kind of vibration, or maybe it doesn’t really hit your clitoris the way you like, or maybe it is uncomfortable for you to have the insertable part inside with penetrations. There are lots of different possibilities, and since this runs at over $100 I can understand your frustration on finding that it just isn’t right for you.

So here are some ideas and recommendations that I have given out to folks who want to use the We-Vibe in a different way! Also, thank you to my vulva puppet ( for assisting me with this demonstration; I couldn’t have done it without you!

1. Uncomfortable to use with a partner? Does you or your partner not like the sensation? Use it on the vulva for self or partner masturbation!

It may sound too simple, but just because the toy says that it can be used with additional penetration doesn’t mean that is HAS to. Use the We-Vibe by itself as a clitoral vibrator that has a penetrative aspect. Rock back and forth with it and see if you enjoy the slender penetrative part. Insert it and hump a pillow or your partner!

2. Don’t care for the insertion part? Use it for external clitoral stimulation!

I always say, “If it vibrates, it can (usually) be used as a clit vibrator”. You’d be surprised how many people believe that if something says that it is designed for penetration, then that is the only way it can be used. Use either end as a vibrator for your vulva. Try laying the intended insertable part on the clitoris, and then laying the rest of the toy on your public mound. By vibrating the public mound you can actually stimulate the inner workings of the vagina, like the g-spot!

3. Is the vibration not strong enough? Use it to pin point!

The design of the We-Vibe is in a U formation that can be used to “pinch” an area where vibration is desired. In addition to vibration, pressure is found to be very arousing as it makes vibrations stronger and pin points the area that the buzzing is directed to.

4. Put it on your hand and TADA! Your hand is a vibrator!

I mentioned this earlier in how putting a vibrating cock ring on your hand makes your hand a vibrator. Well, the same can be applied to the We-Vibe. Clip it to your hand to make vulva, penis, or any body part play tinglier!

5. Don’t like it inserted inside the vagina, but still want to use it during sex? Put it on a shaft!

The clip design of the We-Vibe makes it be able to sit on top of a shaft (dildo, penis, etc.), which then can be used for penetration if desired. Think of it as a cock ring that isn’t fully enclosed in a circle and is easily removable, but vibrates! Explore with the positioning of the toy on the shaft and see what feels good!

I hope I have given you a few good ideas on what to do when a toy doesn’t work out for you. Remember that just because a toy isn’t the right fit for you, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t one out there that can rock your socks off. Explore, play safe, and let me know if you have any more questions!


We-Vibe can be found at
Vulva Puppet can be found at

Friday, April 6, 2012

Can I Ask my Boyfriend to Help Pay for my Birth Control?

Dear Avi Answers, recently posted an article about the high cost of having lady parts. In that vein, is it fair to ask my boyfriend to start helping with the bills for some of these things (IE BCP)?

Birth control is the responsability of all partners involved. If he is depending on you to take the pill as both of your forms of birth control, then technically he is taking it along with you. Just because you are the one ingesting it doesn't mean that he is not responsible for helping to pay. It's in your body, but both of you use it as your means of contraception. It is totally fine to ask for him to help out paying for birth control.
Birth control is not one partners responsability. All partners involved should be aware of what is being used and share the financial responsability of paying for it.

On that note, partners should offer to split the costs of all forms of birth control, including condoms. At work I often see M/F couples come in to purchase condoms, with the male partner paying for all of it. Sometimes the female partner will make a comment like, "Since he's the one using it, he needs to pay for it." Lady, you are using condoms too. Condoms are a form of birth control, and if your partner is using them as a barrier during sex, then you are also using them even if they are not on your body.

There tends to be a mentality of "It's not my body, so it's not my responsability."

It's both of your birth control, it's both of your responsability.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Avi goes to Japan Part 1. Sex Work!

I had the fortune of a quick visit to Japan, where I met with a local college student who showed me around and catered to my lust for seeing various forms of sex work. The trip was meant to be a vacation, but I always want to find out about sex and gender wherever I go. Though I learnt a lot in the few days I was there, I know that I didn't get a full prospective of everything that I saw. I would love an opportunity to go back and learn more! (Pssst, wanna send me to Japan??)

Today I am going to write about sex work.

There are numerous form of sex work in Japan, and the select few that I learnt about had sub categories that went on and on. I'm sure to some they are going to come as a surprise or seem ridiculous, but remember, what is weird to you is normal to another.


A "Host" (or "Hostess" for females) is a sex worker that I came across in almost every busy urban area. The concept of a host is to literally "host" someone, aka spend time with them and make them feel special. In the American sex world this is sometimes referred to as a "boy/girlfriend experience" where the customer is paying for companionship rather than sex. As far as I understand, various forms of sex work, like hosting, are legal in Japan as long as there is no penetration, though many times this is overlooked. Hosting doesn't always involve sex, because the expectation is that this person is going to spend time with you, and if the host chooses so, will do sexual things with you, but not always. I experienced hosts while walking across a bridge that is a main walkway for people in the downtown shopping area where there are bars and clubs. The hosts and hostesses will stand in certain area and approach you, but only if they feel like you would be the right customer. Since I was obviously a foreigner, as well as dressed in jeans and a frumpy shirt, they ignored me. Oh well. By the way, most hosts do not work with same gendered folk.

There is a typical style for hosts. For men they have big rock star straightened hair that reminds me of shaggy emo kids, that is usually bleached or dyed light.

They also wear snazzy suits and nice shoes. Hostesses dress very similar, with VERY big hair (usually wigs) and lots of fancy jewelry.

Hosts often work for "Host Clubs" which are bars where a customer pays to hang out with the hosts and have conversations. These are also all over populated urban areas, with lots of advertisements for the clubs on billboards and posters, as seen above.

What really interested me was the relation between prostitutes and hosts. According to my local tour guide, many time hosts will do trade with other hosts or prostitutes (aka sex workers where sex is required in their work life). The reason behind this is because many times sex workers just need to feel emotionally pampered and have a hard time connecting to people who don't work in the industry. I was also told that hosts that end up trading with each other can get confusing as to what is real and what is performed emotions. But isn't that true of any profession where you fake sincerity, like customer service or retail?

Love Hotels

If one were to trade with a sex worker, where would this occur? One option is a Love Hotel, which is a hotel set up specifically for sex. There are many reasons why someone would want to use a Love Hotel:
1. It is traditional to live with your family until you start your own. If you want private time, these offer perfect places to go.
2. If you want to trade with a sex worker.
3. If you want to have an affair. According to my tour guide, since some people marry young and many times through family pressure, having an affair is a pretty common occurrence in Love Hotels.
4. It's Christmas. It is a tradition to have sex at a Love Hotel on Christmas.

Love Hotels offer many different fun options, like different themed rooms....

...and options of toys and costumes for rent

So how can you tell if a building is a love hotel, or just a hotel? Love hotels will have their windows blackened....

Or look something a little like this...

Love hotels are known to cater only to male/female couples, though if located in the "gay districts" will cater otherwise.

Maid Cafes

Some may not consider this a form of sex work, but I certainly do. Maid cafes tend to be what the name implies, they are cafes where the servers are dressed in maid costumes and serve you in a polite and cheery manner.

I compare these cafes to Hooters, not because the girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, but because they work to create a certain experience for customers. The maids are overly enthusiastic, often doing cute girly things like playing with dolls or stuffed animals and asking customers to write them happy messages in their notebooks.

Here is our menu:

When I got served, the maid would get on her knees to take our order of tea and ice cream, and would give us compliments about how pretty and nice we were. The cafe was decorated with stuffed animals and hearts and anime pictures. Customers pay by the hour to hang out, and can pay extra for special accommodations, like having the girls karaoke, or having one of them be your personal bartender and hang out with you.

Sex Clubs
I honestly didn't get the chance to see any sex clubs, but they do exist! Again, like some host clubs, though penetration isn't legal, some do cater to it without detection. Here is a building that houses various forms of sex clubs, ranging from kinky, to transgendered, to I don't know what (Strawberry Time?).

Sunday, March 18, 2012

More international adventures for Avi!

I have been packing and preparing myself for the adventure that is called: Japan! I will be going for a week and a half to Osaka and Kyoto for vacation, but plan to find something sexy and educational to blog about.