Saturday, July 31, 2010

Erotic photography (boobies and butts)

Sometimes the redundancy of the sex industry gets to me. Sure, the new toys and books that are coming out are advancing more and more, but sometimes the indicative nature of things in this industry just annoy me. The most popular selling vibrators are pink, men buy sex pills with arrogance, blah blah blah. Somethings just never surprise me anymore

Take the art we have hanging on our walls. Every month we participate in a local art tour where we display different artists. People come in and are so wowed by the art work and amazed by the eroticism of the work. Me? I get so annoyed by the common topic that the artists like to display in our store. Women, naked women, different angles of naked women. Boobies, vagina, butts butts butts. Seriously? Yes, we are a sex shop, but there is so much more to erotic art than the female form. Yes, it is beautiful, but there becomes a point of time where I just want to yell at the artist of the month that there is more to eroticism than close ups of skinny girls with boobies.

This month we are displaying the artwork of Lochai ( a well known photographer and kinkster. As I prepared myself for more boobies and butts, Lochai pulls out his first piece of work and hangs it up with pride. And what my dear readers is the giant picture that he displays in the main spot next to the counter? Balls. Well, more specifically an erotic photo of a mouth blowing smoke onto male genitalia. But really, when I look over, I think "Well, those are balls." And you know what? Thank the fucking lord. Lochai is finally an artist that doesn't just photograph pretty girls and call it art. Yes there are lots of pretty pictures of naked girls all around the store, but they all have a theme. Some are tied up in beautiful rope work, some nude in the bathroom. None of the work makes me think "oh god, here's another guy with a camera who takes pictures of women's naughty bits and calls it art". I mean, there is a large photo of a guy sucking someones toes, burlesque dancers, couples in loving kinky embraces. This guy gets it, that erotic art is more than just naked women. That a picture of sucking toes is just as breath taking as a close up of some girls ass.

My dream is to have an artist display erotic nudes of fat hairy guys. But take it seriously, like well done erotic portraits. Calling all artists, let's break the mold of erotic art just being pretty girls. Push the limits.

Get some balls


Friday, July 23, 2010

Customers, you are my porn

Porn is entertaining
Porn is sexy
Porn is hot and bothersome
Porn is funny
Porn is intriguing
Porn is random
Porn is a little skeezy

Today, my customers have been all of these.

Two cute mid 20s women buying matching lubricant. We laugh as the cash register runs them up accidentally as different prices, one at $19 and one at $53.

Mid 50s woman has me walk around the store with her explaining most products. She tells me about her feminist beliefs in vibrators and leaves with two kinds of lube, a new vibe, a vibrating tongue ring, and batteries for her cock ring. She also reveals at the end of the purchase that I was in a fem studies class with her in college.

Sketchy looking guy drops his backpack at the counter and starts looking through a book on Pony Play. He creeps other customers out, but doesn't mean to bother them. I keep my eyes on him. He doesn't buy anything.

Suave acting guy comes in looking for flavored warming lube. Settles for just flavored. Then he asks for a vibrator that is insertable that is just as strong as the Hitachi Wand. I tell him there is no such thing and we joke about the power of the Hitachi Wand. He buys an attachment for it instead. Also a blue clit bullet. Asks about one of our former employees. Typical. She was the hot one.

Two women come in straight towards the corsets. One is a hot pin up punk rock girl. She is not offended when I recommend a large instead of a medium. She knows her corsets. I feel inadequate around her.

Two barely English speaking men come in to giggle about the store. I ignore their remarks, and they leave shortly. But not after winking at a female customer. Skeezballs.

Cute female buys cute pink vibrator. Enough said.

Hot pin up girl asks for my opinion on her waist cincher. I tell her we also have one in leather. When I ask if she wants me to get it for her she winks at me. Porn I tell you, pure porn.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Mistress NSFW

I started off writing a really boring entry about today's work shift. Instead, I'm going to write about poop.

Poop is the secret mistress of ass play. Probably a weird sentence, but I have had so many conversations with people about ass play and have had to subtly mention "the mistress" without actually bringing her up by name (yes in this analogy, poop is female). When it comes to ass play, the number one fear that people have, besides the fear that it will hurt, is the fear of poop. Except, very few will actually flat out say it.

There's a reason so many anal toys are black, why black gloves and black condoms are so popular, why black dildos sell more than the white ones. It is harder to see any "dirtiness" that may come out on something black. Don't think I'm criticizing the black toy phenomenon. It's actually quite genius, and if it weren't for black toys, many people may not even consider exploring anal play.

Anyways, when I talk to customers about anal play, the mistress comes up about 70% of the time. Usually from questions about "cleaning and prepping oneself for play" (see how formal and subtle I am about the ass?) Depending on the customer, I am either pretty explicit, or direct them towards books about ass play. Some people just get uncomfortable hearing intimate and possible embarrassing things from a stranger. As a sex shop worker, I understand this completely, which is why the book and DVD section exists. The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino are the books I recommend for those interested in an experts opinion on anal play. Miss Taormino also wrote The Anal Sex Position Guide, which is quite amazing (hot pictures). Oh, and her Expert Guide to Anal Sex DVD is quite good and simple to understand. And did I mention HOTTT?

For the customers who I feel can hear the explicit stuff, I recommend douches for prep. When explaining douching, I use terms like "expel the water" and "clean thoroughly", making sure that the mistress's name is never mentioned, only implied. It is very rare that you'll actually hear me use the word "poop" when talking to customers. We dance around the subject in our conversations, making sure the customer is comfortable with the subject and ideas I purpose.

But the reason that so many people are interested in anal play is the "dirtiness" of it all. The mistress is a dirty little temptress that scares and excites so many. Not implying that being into anal play and scat play are the same thing. Very, very different ideas that happen to revolve around the same hole. This is not about scat play, but about the sexy fear of the dirtiness of anal play. The idea that your partner is playing with your "dirty hole" is sexy to some. It's taboo, it's a little gross to some, and it's shocking.

When I show porn to my friends and there is ass-to-mouth involved, I turn to see their faces. It's usually 50-50, with half the people yelling in horror and disgust, and the other half with this smirk of recognition and excitement on their faces. But this is usually the fact for most sex acts. Not everything sexual is for everyone, and sometime that grosses you out may in fact be the only way someone else gets off.

Once in a while I get a customer who asks me what they should to to avoid the mistress, or what they should do lest she appears? The best advice I can give besides douching, which is still not 100% reliable, is be aware that it may happens. Slip ups happen. Don't be afraid of them, it's the beauty of sex and exploration. If the mistress does appear, have a towel on hand, some sanitizer if needed, and a shower. It's what showers are for after all, cleaning up after your dirty deeds. Shit happens, pun intended.

Sometimes I get caught off guard by how many people can accidentally pee, queef, fart, and burp during sex and be fine, but once the topic of poop comes around, they freak out.

I joke to my employer that we should sell the children's book "Everyone Poops" next to the anal play section. After all, the mistress is there, whether or not we address her by name.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Little moments of joy

Gay boy couple dildo shopping and singing along to Katy Perry on the radio. Warms my heart.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Sometimes I worry that working in a sex shop makes me a dull person.

I know that's probably a weird statement coming from someone who surrounds themselves in porn and dildos, but it's a pretty common worry. Have I become to desensitized? Have I become boring because socially scandelous things just don't shock me or even cause a reaction?

A customer was talking (or possibly flirting) with be the other day when a man walks straight in towards the counter. He asks if we have any funny X rated shirts (which we do not). He then started reciting some of his favorites, and then walked out. The customer looked at me suprised I wasn't offended or even shocked. Hell, I barely aknowledged that he said anything over the top. I just shrugged and admitted that customers coming in saying outrageous things just don't really affect me.

Then the other night my boss and I were looking at clips from Her friend was behind the counter too and was really shocked that we were to blase about watching porn. Especially since we were discussing the actors we personally knew in the video we were watching. My boss turns to her friend and says "we're just not affected by porn."

It's true, porn doesn't make me uncomfortable. I have watched so much, it becomes just like watching a movie. The sex part doesn't become a factor, just another scene.

And then there are days like today when people are asking me detailed questions about their sex lives and I answer it like I would answer how the weather is. Just sold an anal plug quickly and efficiently, asking questions about the experience of the user with pretty imtimate inquiry.

Wow, I sound like a bummer. Don't get me wrong, I love my line of work. I just get paranoid that I'm becoming a bore because dildos, vibrators, anal plugs, porn, and masturbation tools don't affect me really.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Requests from customers on 7/3/2010

Vibrating ring for a prince albert piercing

Anal beads that on one side is a dildo and on the other is anal beads

Realistic sex doll. Specifically, not crap. Like real, high class, but cheap.



From what I thought was going to be a slow day, suddenly turned into a full store. It's like people know to come in packs. I'd say there are six different groups of people here. Woops, now they are gone. Weird. Now there are three guys wandering around. And now they are leaving too. That was a very quick time.

So far I have sold two bottles of lube, a penis extender, and a masturbation sleeve. Where all my girls at?

People have this assumption that sex shops that ours are meant for women. Yet, today it's been all men. Now only if it were full of men that actually buy things instead of browsing the pictures of hot girls on the covers of books and packages.

Now it's an empty store.

Back to cleaning.