Friday, October 29, 2010

Scary Stories of Halloween Weekend

It's that spooky time again, where ghouls and ghosts haunt the streets and women wear slutty outfits of pretty much anything imaginable. Anything. Seriously. Today I went to the bank and there was a slutty Star Trek officer bouncing around and giggling to her Little Red Riding Hood co-worker in her barely there skirt. And all around them the male co-workers were dressed as skeletons and baseball players. It was a little ridiculous.

Today's customers have been pretty blase. A few vibrators sold, some tights and pasties for those last minute holiday must haves. One woman bought her boyfriend a matching anal toy, which is kind of adorable.

And then I get this couple. They seemed pretty typical, running around purchasing different products for their romantic weekend. And then the guy turns to me and starts telling me his recent trouble with lubricant. And let me tell you, there was detail. Apparently he had used a KY warming lubricant, and it burnt his skin off. Like shredding, burning, and bleeding. He was asking me if he should sue, but then kept going back trying to explain how his chemically burnt penis looks. There are very few times I get weirded out by customers, but this was definitely one of the exceptions. I am not a doctor people. I cannot cure your medical problems, no matter how sexually related they are.

Great way to start off my Halloween weekend.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Avi Answers about Anal Sex for the first time

Hey Avi. So the bf really wants to try anal...and I've heard its messy and don't really know where to start...someone told me lube and laxatives. -Anonymous

Avi Answers:

no laxatives!
bad idea!

Okay, well first you want to stretch out the area. after all, the anal opening is a muscle. I recommend using a silicone lubricant.
If your worried about poop, make sure to empty your bowels at least two hours before any activity. You can also get an anal douche (this is what i use) and fill it with warm water and a pinch of salt. They sell them at drug stores, just don't use the solution they give you, that's a laxative

Douche until water runs clear. But remember, anal sex can still end up being dirty, so have a towel ready.

Then you want to relax the muscle with fingers or toys at least an hour before going in. This makes your body comfortable with something there.

Even if you and your bf are fluid bonded, I recommend using a condom, especially due to potential dirtiness the best way to actually have anal sex, in regards to position, is for you to back onto his penis, not him enter you it gives you control of whats happening, because him just jamming it in does NOT feel good.

Just take it slow and use lube!
no laxatives!

-Avi Answers

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rainy Days

Today is the first rain of the season.

Playing my Beatles mix, drinking ginger tea, and sitting in a sex shop. I think it's the start of a pretty good day, don't you think?

Customers today:
-Guy buying "Best Women's Erotica of 2010"
-Young guy on the phone with his grandfather asks for change for two dollars for the parking meter
-Couple comes in to ask about our workshops and classes. They inquire about the "Negotiating Successful Threesomes" class.
-Young couple buys an assortment of lubes and fun treats. When picking out flavored nipple lube, the girl asks her partner what flavor he preferred. When he didn't seem to care, she exclaims "You're the one whose going to be tasting it!" He says no watermelon flavor. She picks raspberry.

People have not been wiping off their feet at the door. I predict lots of cleaning the front stoop through out the day.

-Couple playing with the Rabbit Habit by Vibratex. She is very giggly. They don't buy anything.
-College girls come in and quickly buy batteries for their vibrating bullets. Overheard "I should wait till Hanukkah and buy this for myself."
-Man comes in asking about the art on our walls (we change every month). The art has changed since he's been in and he can't remember the artists name. All he can remember is that there were pictures of naked women.
-Young women buys an assortment of lube sample packets
-Local porn actor comes in with a lady friend. We chat about busy lives and people in the industry.
-Friend of the owner buys a pocket rocket

Less rainy, but my day is only halfway through and I'm a little bit bored.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Home Sweet Sex Shop

Lately due to family problems, I have been missing a lot of work. Which resulted in me emotionally missing work. Dearly. There's something very comforting working in a place where nothing I do can be judged and I can just sit and breathe.

Right away I sold a couple a vibrator and I knew I could breathe again. Here I am focused on someone else and their life, answer their questions, and listen to their problems. And the best thing about it is that it all has to do with sex, which is the most comforting topic for me.

Welcome back to me.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Customers of 10/2/10

-Spanish speaking gentleman (does not speak English, I don't speak Spanish) is patient with me while I try to recommend lubricant and erection pills. He accidentally puts over $100 of pills on the counter, thinking it costs $20 dollars. Eventually we get it sorted out and he leaves happy with lubes and pills. I wish I knew how to say "lubricant" in Spanish.

-Middle age woman in baseball cap and a little league t-shirt comes in to buy "surprises for her husband". I smile as she starts making a pile of fetish porn, ball gag, and advanced nipple suckers. After about 30 minutes she returns to the counter with more fetish books, and stockings. Now she is looking at vibrators. She brings up two. And a french maid costume. $400 worth of product, and I must admit I am a little jealous.

-Young college friends come in looking for black thongs. One girl buys a garter belt, the other buys a book on urban tantra.

-Three couples wander in separately to look at costumes. Yup, definitely Halloween season.

-One couple buys anal beads with lube <3

-One couple (a good ten years between them I think? She looks like she's 40+ and he's somewhere is his late 20s early 30s) shops for crotchless panties.

-Man peeks his head in and asks how I am doing. Then he leaves.

-Fuck, I have to pee and my co-worker is out to lunch.

-Nerdy guy in Iron Man shirt comes in and looks at porn. He asks about masturbating sleeves. He buys a Tenga masturbation sleeve, some lube, and condoms.

-Three college students come in and play with the handcuffs. One girl is wearing a dog collar and leash.

-Elderly woman comes in asking for change for her meter.

-Two middle aged men separately come in, wander around, and then leave.

-Guy buys sex pills

-Young girl buys vibrator

I still need to pee


My first customers today was this couple celebrating 25 years of marriage. How did I know this? The husband made a joke about it to me. He was also paying for all of the stuff they were buying. And how did I know this? He made a joke about it.

Customers joking to me is not unusual. More often it comes from men who are shopping with their partner and are left standing with the shopping bags and a pile of toys as she scurries around the store picking out more and more. Since I am standing at the counter, it makes sense that small talk occurs. And what is a better ice breaker than jokes? And considering the environment, sex jokes.

This man today was just vomiting joke after joke. Some about marriage, and the rest about sex. Like "What's the food that kills a woman's sex drive?" "Wedding cake". "Whats the greatest release a man can get?" "Divorce." "Why do eggs have the worst sex life?" "Because they only get laid once and you have to boil them to get them hard." I kind of wish I could remember more.

I was more focused on his sarcastic joking when it involved his wife. She was trying on corsets and called for him and he remarked on her "squawking". When I gave them a free tote bag for buying so much, he replied "choke bag?"

very funny sir