Friday, January 29, 2010


I have the worst facial recognition. Especially with customers. There are frequent customers that I can recall, but usually when someone walks in, I'll have no idea if I've sold them anything before. Lucky them I guess. Some customers stand out, due to interactions or particular traits, but they usually get all clumped together. So it's really awkward when a person starts to talk to me ask if they know me. For instance a customer came in and headed straight for the back where the bathroom is. We usually do not let anyone use the bathroom unless we know them, ie, unless they are frequent. But he waved at me and went straight on back. I only recognized him when he made his masturbation sleeve purchase. He's very particular about his pecker.

Two girls came in today and talked to me very informally. Apparently they came to the class I taught last night and were just spouting out information I had said.

Oh and the other day I made eye contact with a guy on the street and he freaked out and avoided me immediately. Another frequent customer. He apparently didn't know what to do and thought I was going to out him.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Therapy Session on a Wednesday afternoon

Woman parks her bike in front of the shop
Goes over to the free information table.
Grabs one of everything.
Says she's on a journey for a vibrator she once had.
It was flesh colored, with a turning dial.
She didn't use it for sex, it was for her chakras.
I stood there for a good ten minutes while she talked in a perfect stream about things I could barely make out:
-She should have grabbed it when she had the change
-She didn't know if he was married or had kids
-Maybe he had used it
-It had this low turning thing
-She wants to travel to Utah for their sex toys
-Living with alcoholics
-Her parents being active people
-Maybe it was the drugs
-Buying "as seen on tv" breast pads because she's so tender
-or was her privates the tender part?
-Did I remember 7th and 8th grade? That's where she is right now
-She reported her family to the police
-Being a police man is a fad
-She reports the people she loves
-She wants to be good for her daughter
-Her parents copy other peoples lives
-The other people are very successful
-On a beach she once sat on her art folder and the razor that was under it turned on. It was a relaxing experience
-She might have brain cancer
-She has brain cancer
-She has head cancer
-Do we carry any lube that has alcohol in it?
-She likes watching male gay sex
-Once went to a place in SF and watched two guys in black latex have anal sex
-She enjoys anal sex, but only if it's with someone she likes
-Too bad she doesn't have a car, she wants to go to Vegas and Utah
-The colors of vibrators are made for old people

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Customers of 1/20/09

-Three hippie youths coming in to look at the "green business" aspect of our store. They were a little put off that we don't sell books that just used recycled paper. But they were impressed with Form 2 by Jimmy Jane. It's waterproof and rechargeable. Score.

-Middle aged frequent customer couple comes in with a gift certificate for him. The female discloses to me while he's in the restroom that she is the dominant one in bed. She ends up buying a book on kinky sex by Midori.

-Another middle age couple has me explain a cock ring to them. I do a demo using a flaccid penis dildo. They poke around the store a little more before leaving giggling.

-Young female asks about Kegel muscle balls. Blushing she asks if they help if your boyfriend has a really big dick and you feel stretched out. She left with our card and our hours.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pushing sex toys away

There are some products a sex shop cannot wait to get rid of. Not that we have anything against them or their creators or suppliers or lovers. Just if a toy sits on a shelf for months and no one buys it, it becomes a space hog for a new toy that would possibly sell better. As much as I wish we could carry every single sex toy in the world, we don't. And as much as I wish I could give away toys, I can't. This is a buisness afterall. A delisciously smutty buisness that sells devious devices and other things, but a buisness none the less.

There are certain steps in trying to get a product off the shelves. The first is to place it in an obvious location near something similar to it, but is more expensive. The unwanted sex toy suddenly looks more appealing because of it's low price and similarity to the other product. If that doesn't work, make it a special! By making a product the "special sale" of the month, it makes it more popular. Also cheaper. The last resort to pushing something off the shelves is to make it a prize. Our store has semi-annual raffles, where customers get to enter for free and recieve various prizes. Sorry if this spoils the secret, but half the time the product is something we are trying to get rid of. But a free sex toy is still free, right?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Friend-ly Porn

Happy New Years!

This year has started off with a bang. Or at least banging. And my banging I mean, watching my friends do porn.

I guess I should rewind a little. In 2009, through out the year, more and more of my friends have joined the porn actor community. I started the 2009 year having seen only a few of my friends do the deed, and as the year has ended, it has gone up to a good dozen. I no longer get flushed when I come across familiar faces when reviewing porn (yes, this is part of my job). Instead I get exited (in multiple ways) and overly enthusiastic when one comes (and cums!) on screen.

I have found that there are three categories of "Friend Porn"

1. Porn that has your friend in it ie: you knew them personally before you knew about the porn:

The first familiar face that I ran across was the talented Miss Maggie Mayhem . Maggie started off as a role model of mine in college. I first met her when she spoke at a meeting for a sexual dance team I was on. She actually was the one that connected me with my current employment. And the first friend of mine that I ever randomly found on the internet when looking at kinky porn on I'm actually really thankful that it was Maggie who broke me into this "friend porn" world. It was surprising at first, but now I've just become a fan of her work. Many times I just find myself going "damn, I wonder if I could do that."

2. Porn that has someone familiar in it ie: Someone you recognize, and have met before, but aren't entirely friends with them. Maybe a friend of a friend.

I sometimes have porn viewing nights at my house where I have friends over and we watch whatever new porn my work has received. At one of these viewing parties I came across a familiar face. Well, it became familiar probably halfway through a good fuck scene. My partner at the time started giggling and pointed out that the actress Rain Degrey , was a patron of a club we both attend. The next time I saw her I approached her and complemented her on her work in "Frisk Me" . She was really casual and friendly about it, and even recommended that I should fuck the guy in her scene because he is talented. Oh how much I love blunt and straight forward people. Rain now is going to teach classes at my work, score!

3. Porn that has someone you want to become friends with.

As mentioned before, my work hosts workshops and classes taught by many different talented instructors on a variety of subjects. It is my job to go searching for fresh new faces to teach classes. Sometimes I get lucky and get to meet folks who are well known in the sexual community and who I am a huge fan of. Recently Madison Young has agreed to be one of our speakers and teach a class about making porn. Madison Young has recently become one of my favorite porn stars. She is kinky, queer, well educated and damn talented. I am way to exited to work with her.

Overall, whether we are friends, acquaintances, or future associates: keep doing what your doing and I'll be there....watching