Sunday, March 18, 2012
More international adventures for Avi!
I have been packing and preparing myself for the adventure that is called: Japan! I will be going for a week and a half to Osaka and Kyoto for vacation, but plan to find something sexy and educational to blog about.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Step by step harassment
Today I was harassed by a person in the shop.
I find that it is important for me to share this experience, because even though I have worked in sex shops for numerous years and have been hit on multiple times, it never stops affecting me. I am an advocate for safe spaces and respecting others, and am very passionate about sex worker rights. I believe that sex workers deserve the same respect as any other "normal" occupation, and that harassment is not something that should be brushed off. I've had a few people tell me that since I work in the industry, I should get used to this type of treatment.
I will never get used to it, and I will never be silent about it happening.
Here's my story:
Guy comes into the store and asks if it's okay for him to be in here. He is a local "street person" who hangs around the downtown shops asking if any of them would like to have their windows cleaned. He carries window washing equipment with him, hence why we call him "The Window Washer." He has been in the shop a few times before, and is known to go into the back book section, read a little, and then leave. The last time he was here he told me that he liked seeing all the people in the store, but especially couples. While his comment did register as odd, I didn't think anything past it. This time when he came in, he went straight for the register that I was at. He smiled and commented on how I looked, which I passed off with a smile. Then he started looking me up and down and asked what time I got off work. I told him that wasn't an okay thing to say and he smiles and laughs and says he's kidding and I should know that. I am taken aback, as this guy is usually harmless. He tries to get my name out of me, and I try to shut him down but am extremely flustered since I was caught off guard. He laughs and walks over to the book section.
I am going to break in here and make note that anyone can get caught off guard, no matter how much experience they have with sexual harassment. Even though I tend to consider myself a tough cookie when it comes to handling sex remarks during work, it doesn't always happen the way I plan. Sometimes I crumble under pressure.
I see that there is a middle aged woman already in the book section and I get worried that he's going to talk to her in the same manner that he talked to me. My co-worker is also looking concerned, so we both walk around the area to keep an eye on him. As I am standing in the middle of the store, he walks over to me with his hand in his pocket and says he has something for me. I actually find myself stepping backwards, preparing myself for either a knife, or his penis. He knows I look uncomfortable and shocked, and smiles. He takes out a pen and then motions on his hand that he would like my number while smiling at me. He moves in closer, and I finally gather myself to tell him that he is being inappropriate and I am not okay with his behavior. He looks puzzled and says "What, you don't like nice guys?" He stumbles away and I move to go back to the register so that I will have a counter in between us in case I need to do anything. I notice while walking that he is following me, and I make a loop around the store just to make sure. Yes, he is definitely following me. Suddenly he turns around and walks out, leaving his belongings in the book section. He returns a minute later to grab his things and makes sure to come very close to the counter so that I know he is there.
I find myself feeling like I didn't do enough. Like I needed to throw him out, or tell him off. That I should do better next time.
In reality, I do not have to do better. He does. I am not to blame for this incident. I should not have to feel guilty about my reaction to being harassed. Just because I work at a sex shop, doesn't give him the right to hit on me or make me feel uncomfortable. I am a fucking sex worker and a person. I am not your target.
I find that it is important for me to share this experience, because even though I have worked in sex shops for numerous years and have been hit on multiple times, it never stops affecting me. I am an advocate for safe spaces and respecting others, and am very passionate about sex worker rights. I believe that sex workers deserve the same respect as any other "normal" occupation, and that harassment is not something that should be brushed off. I've had a few people tell me that since I work in the industry, I should get used to this type of treatment.
I will never get used to it, and I will never be silent about it happening.
Here's my story:
Guy comes into the store and asks if it's okay for him to be in here. He is a local "street person" who hangs around the downtown shops asking if any of them would like to have their windows cleaned. He carries window washing equipment with him, hence why we call him "The Window Washer." He has been in the shop a few times before, and is known to go into the back book section, read a little, and then leave. The last time he was here he told me that he liked seeing all the people in the store, but especially couples. While his comment did register as odd, I didn't think anything past it. This time when he came in, he went straight for the register that I was at. He smiled and commented on how I looked, which I passed off with a smile. Then he started looking me up and down and asked what time I got off work. I told him that wasn't an okay thing to say and he smiles and laughs and says he's kidding and I should know that. I am taken aback, as this guy is usually harmless. He tries to get my name out of me, and I try to shut him down but am extremely flustered since I was caught off guard. He laughs and walks over to the book section.
I am going to break in here and make note that anyone can get caught off guard, no matter how much experience they have with sexual harassment. Even though I tend to consider myself a tough cookie when it comes to handling sex remarks during work, it doesn't always happen the way I plan. Sometimes I crumble under pressure.
I see that there is a middle aged woman already in the book section and I get worried that he's going to talk to her in the same manner that he talked to me. My co-worker is also looking concerned, so we both walk around the area to keep an eye on him. As I am standing in the middle of the store, he walks over to me with his hand in his pocket and says he has something for me. I actually find myself stepping backwards, preparing myself for either a knife, or his penis. He knows I look uncomfortable and shocked, and smiles. He takes out a pen and then motions on his hand that he would like my number while smiling at me. He moves in closer, and I finally gather myself to tell him that he is being inappropriate and I am not okay with his behavior. He looks puzzled and says "What, you don't like nice guys?" He stumbles away and I move to go back to the register so that I will have a counter in between us in case I need to do anything. I notice while walking that he is following me, and I make a loop around the store just to make sure. Yes, he is definitely following me. Suddenly he turns around and walks out, leaving his belongings in the book section. He returns a minute later to grab his things and makes sure to come very close to the counter so that I know he is there.
I find myself feeling like I didn't do enough. Like I needed to throw him out, or tell him off. That I should do better next time.
In reality, I do not have to do better. He does. I am not to blame for this incident. I should not have to feel guilty about my reaction to being harassed. Just because I work at a sex shop, doesn't give him the right to hit on me or make me feel uncomfortable. I am a fucking sex worker and a person. I am not your target.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Today a woman asked if we sold roofies...
…because she wanted to surprise her boyfriend. It was either that, or some peppermint flavored lube that tingled.
Your kink is not my kink,
but please don’t roofie your boyfriend without his consent.
Non-consent is not sexy.
Your kink is not my kink,
but please don’t roofie your boyfriend without his consent.
Non-consent is not sexy.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Little tips from life
This week has had it's roll of interesting people coming in. I have to reiterate, that no matter how much I complain/bitch, I LOVE my job and love the weird/awkward/sexy/terrible interactions that I have with people. Anyways, let's get to the fun part.
This woman came in with her obviously 5-6 year old riding a bicycle. When I informed her that we don't allow children in the store she looked at me funny and said "you don't allow babies?" I looked at her and then the kid on the bike and held back the urge to inform her that her child was not a baby. I instead repeated the law, that anyone under 18 are not allowed in the store. I also held back the fact that bikes are also not allowed. Sorry, but it is ILLEGAL to have a walking, talking, bicycle riding child in the store. Sex shops have been closed down for much less.
A woman came in asking for advice on how to rim her boyfriend. If you are not familiar with this term, "rimming" is the act of oral sex on the anal opening. The reason people enjoy this is because the anal opening had just as many nerve endings as your lips and other sensitive areas. Some people enjoy the feeling on a tongue or a finger running across the opening. It is also a very intimate act, that some people find very sexy because of it's taboo nature. I first brought her to our condom and lube section and showed her a dental dam, which is what some people like to use for oral anal contact. Some people like this because it creates a barrier between the mouth and the anus as well as protects from any STI transmissions. We then looked at anal vibrators, because the anal opening is also very receptive to vibrations. As I was ringing her up, guess who walked in? Her boyfriend and his brother! They both laughed and blushed, but let each other have their private shopping experiences. If you run into your partner at a sex shop, it is totally okay to let them continue their visit on their own and then talk later. It's fun to know that there is something sexy coming to you or your partner. Also, exploring something new for your partner is also sexy!
A woman came in to return/exchange a vibrator that had broken. I noticed that it was unusually warm, and asked if she stored it with the batteries in it. She said yes. Important note! Remove your toys batteries because they can overheat and can break your toy! Oh, also please clean your toys before you bring them in. It's a little gross for us to have to clean toys after they've been returned.
This woman came in with her obviously 5-6 year old riding a bicycle. When I informed her that we don't allow children in the store she looked at me funny and said "you don't allow babies?" I looked at her and then the kid on the bike and held back the urge to inform her that her child was not a baby. I instead repeated the law, that anyone under 18 are not allowed in the store. I also held back the fact that bikes are also not allowed. Sorry, but it is ILLEGAL to have a walking, talking, bicycle riding child in the store. Sex shops have been closed down for much less.
A woman came in asking for advice on how to rim her boyfriend. If you are not familiar with this term, "rimming" is the act of oral sex on the anal opening. The reason people enjoy this is because the anal opening had just as many nerve endings as your lips and other sensitive areas. Some people enjoy the feeling on a tongue or a finger running across the opening. It is also a very intimate act, that some people find very sexy because of it's taboo nature. I first brought her to our condom and lube section and showed her a dental dam, which is what some people like to use for oral anal contact. Some people like this because it creates a barrier between the mouth and the anus as well as protects from any STI transmissions. We then looked at anal vibrators, because the anal opening is also very receptive to vibrations. As I was ringing her up, guess who walked in? Her boyfriend and his brother! They both laughed and blushed, but let each other have their private shopping experiences. If you run into your partner at a sex shop, it is totally okay to let them continue their visit on their own and then talk later. It's fun to know that there is something sexy coming to you or your partner. Also, exploring something new for your partner is also sexy!
A woman came in to return/exchange a vibrator that had broken. I noticed that it was unusually warm, and asked if she stored it with the batteries in it. She said yes. Important note! Remove your toys batteries because they can overheat and can break your toy! Oh, also please clean your toys before you bring them in. It's a little gross for us to have to clean toys after they've been returned.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Living with Sex Workers
About six months ago I moved in with a cute, kinky, tiny porn performer named Alexxa Bound (https://twitter.com/#!/AlexxaBound).
People always assume that since I am a sex shop worker, and she is in porn, that we must have a very sexy household. Also, that we must either fuck all the time, or go on wild sex filled adventures. I have gotten emails requesting that we put cameras in our apartment for a sexy reality show.
Currently we are sitting on the couch in our jammies with the cats, watching House. I guess someone out there has a fetish for that.
A fun aspect of living with someone whose day job is in the sex industry is that we can be more casual about cleaning toys and leaving things out. I don't find it weird when she hangs her enema bag from our shower...
And she is totally fine with me cleaning my toys in the dishwasher.
I can also be blunt about my work, and don't feel awkward when I overshare. In turn, she feels comfortable doing cam shows in our apartment, as well as bringing other porn members over.
For example, the last time she shot with Denali Winter...
they ended up doing different acrobatic sex positions in our living room for my amusement.
Sexy, no?
I also find it amusing and come home to find that she leaves random equipment around the place. For example, I was plugging in my laptop in the corner near our couch, and Hey! There's a Hitachi Magic Wand!
Or when I reach for the remote and Whoops! Bottle of lube!
I guess my point is,
damn we're sexy
People always assume that since I am a sex shop worker, and she is in porn, that we must have a very sexy household. Also, that we must either fuck all the time, or go on wild sex filled adventures. I have gotten emails requesting that we put cameras in our apartment for a sexy reality show.
Currently we are sitting on the couch in our jammies with the cats, watching House. I guess someone out there has a fetish for that.
A fun aspect of living with someone whose day job is in the sex industry is that we can be more casual about cleaning toys and leaving things out. I don't find it weird when she hangs her enema bag from our shower...
And she is totally fine with me cleaning my toys in the dishwasher.
I can also be blunt about my work, and don't feel awkward when I overshare. In turn, she feels comfortable doing cam shows in our apartment, as well as bringing other porn members over.
For example, the last time she shot with Denali Winter...
they ended up doing different acrobatic sex positions in our living room for my amusement.
Sexy, no?
I also find it amusing and come home to find that she leaves random equipment around the place. For example, I was plugging in my laptop in the corner near our couch, and Hey! There's a Hitachi Magic Wand!
Or when I reach for the remote and Whoops! Bottle of lube!
I guess my point is,
damn we're sexy
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I was ringing up a customer today when another customer came up to me and demanded that I come over and help her find a certain lubricant that she wanted. When I explained that I will be happy to in just a minute, she appeared frustrated and walked away.
The customer I was ringing up smiled at me and said "You must have the best and worst job in the world. I mean, all jobs seem like the best and worst, but yours is the best and worst to the extreme. You are probably like, Yay sex positive moment! And then all, Ahh people are just terrible!."
Well put customer. Well put.
The customer I was ringing up smiled at me and said "You must have the best and worst job in the world. I mean, all jobs seem like the best and worst, but yours is the best and worst to the extreme. You are probably like, Yay sex positive moment! And then all, Ahh people are just terrible!."
Well put customer. Well put.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
A Short Guide to Sex Shop Etiquette for Sex Workers
Here are some tips for sex workers who come into sex shops (please note this does not apply to all sex workers/sex shops).
- Welcome! Sex shops, or at least my work/progressive ones, are open spaces for all types of workers, whether you are a doctor, a rabbi, a Starbucks employee, whatever! Everyone is sexual, therefore, everyone (over 18+) is welcome!
- Let us know you are in the industry! Or not! Your choice! The title "sex worker" can be placed on various types of work (which I talk about in previous posts). Whether you are a prostitute, a sex therapist, a pro domme, a stripper, a go go dancer, a sex educator, or a behind the scenes cameraman for porn, if you identify as a sex worker and want to tell us, go ahead! If you don't want, you don't have to! We never question our customers about their occupation, nor judge them on what they purchase.
- Feel free to ask questions that pertain to your job. Often times people come in with specific questions or are looking for items that are for their work. For example, I have helped sex therapists find good reference books for certain topics, or have shown cam girls certain toys that their viewers have requested. We are prepared for most questions, and if we don't know, we will refer you to someone who does.
- Feel free to ask vague questions that don't give out information about your work. Like I said before, you don't need to tell us about your occupation. And if you ask a vague question, we aren't going to delve into why you asked.
- Some sex shops give a sex worker discount. Feel free to ask, it never hurts. If the shop does give a discount (like my work) we won't ask what type of sex work you do. Identifying as a sex worker is enough to get a discount.
- While we welcome blunt interactions, please don't over share. At times I find that some sex workers get either too comfortable or too awkward in sex shops, which leads to over share. While this can be applied to non-sex worker customers as well, I have found that sex workers especially try to over share their sexual knowledge with us. Maybe it's because they are exited to be in a sex positive space, or maybe they want to show off their product knowledge, but honestly, it can get uncomfortable. I've had sex workers come in and start talking about themselves in very intimate ways that borders on non-consent. Working in the sex industry doesn't mean that you need to be crude or over share to everyone else who identifies as a sex worker. While I'm all for "sister-solidarity" I sometimes feel violated when people tell me more than I need to know on the job.
- Please leave the sex shop education to the sex shop worker. Sex shops are an intimate place where people come for some personal shopping. While some people are okay with strangers telling them about products, as a sex shop worker I prefer that you don't. Please leave the education to me, since this is what my job is and this is what I am here for.
- If you have clients, you are welcome to bring them in. Just please do not session with them in the shop. This is a safe space for all, and some people are not comfortable with public sexual acts. But feel free to bring them in and shop around and we will be glad to help!
- Welcome! Sex shops, or at least my work/progressive ones, are open spaces for all types of workers, whether you are a doctor, a rabbi, a Starbucks employee, whatever! Everyone is sexual, therefore, everyone (over 18+) is welcome!
- Let us know you are in the industry! Or not! Your choice! The title "sex worker" can be placed on various types of work (which I talk about in previous posts). Whether you are a prostitute, a sex therapist, a pro domme, a stripper, a go go dancer, a sex educator, or a behind the scenes cameraman for porn, if you identify as a sex worker and want to tell us, go ahead! If you don't want, you don't have to! We never question our customers about their occupation, nor judge them on what they purchase.
- Feel free to ask questions that pertain to your job. Often times people come in with specific questions or are looking for items that are for their work. For example, I have helped sex therapists find good reference books for certain topics, or have shown cam girls certain toys that their viewers have requested. We are prepared for most questions, and if we don't know, we will refer you to someone who does.
- Feel free to ask vague questions that don't give out information about your work. Like I said before, you don't need to tell us about your occupation. And if you ask a vague question, we aren't going to delve into why you asked.
- Some sex shops give a sex worker discount. Feel free to ask, it never hurts. If the shop does give a discount (like my work) we won't ask what type of sex work you do. Identifying as a sex worker is enough to get a discount.
- While we welcome blunt interactions, please don't over share. At times I find that some sex workers get either too comfortable or too awkward in sex shops, which leads to over share. While this can be applied to non-sex worker customers as well, I have found that sex workers especially try to over share their sexual knowledge with us. Maybe it's because they are exited to be in a sex positive space, or maybe they want to show off their product knowledge, but honestly, it can get uncomfortable. I've had sex workers come in and start talking about themselves in very intimate ways that borders on non-consent. Working in the sex industry doesn't mean that you need to be crude or over share to everyone else who identifies as a sex worker. While I'm all for "sister-solidarity" I sometimes feel violated when people tell me more than I need to know on the job.
- Please leave the sex shop education to the sex shop worker. Sex shops are an intimate place where people come for some personal shopping. While some people are okay with strangers telling them about products, as a sex shop worker I prefer that you don't. Please leave the education to me, since this is what my job is and this is what I am here for.
- If you have clients, you are welcome to bring them in. Just please do not session with them in the shop. This is a safe space for all, and some people are not comfortable with public sexual acts. But feel free to bring them in and shop around and we will be glad to help!
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