This whole weekend has been freezing, so my night time shifts have mainly consisted of cleaning and inventory management. But behold! Sun appears and the people come in for their devious sexual apparatuses!
First off, my boss's 26th birthday is today, so last night she had a little late night party at the shop. When I come in the back office is a mess, but lucky for me she came in today to clean it all up.
-First customer of the day was a young college student who came in looking for garter belts, but ended up asking me lots of questions about the Under the Bed Restraint System, and whether it will work for her bed. Personally, I was gifted this when I was in college, so I was able to give her all the information she needed firsthand. She ended up purchasing them. Theses restraints are really good for someone who wants a little kink in their life, but nothing too intense.
-Two Asian girls shop around for vibrators. One buys a red Siri from Lelo. These have becoming increasingly popular lately. Strong, small, rechargeable vibrators that have really smooth silicone at the tip. She buys her friend a small three speed power bullet in blue. It was cute.
-Woman comes in asking for specific products that we do not sell. I try to find a vibrator that was close to what she described, but she leaves when I go to answer the phone. She was looking for deep vibrations verses high vibrations, which tends to be a little difficult in vibrators. She seemed interested in one of the large power bullets that we sell, but didn't like that we only had them in pink and white. I understand, I am too very particular about my toys.
-Woman on the phone is upset that the bullet that came with her dildo broke. She kept describing what happened to it to me, and when I explained to her that bullets are cheap and easily replaceable, she keeps talking about how it must be defective and broken. Let me just break this down for ya'll. A bullet (or power bullet as I sometimes refer to it as) is a small, barely two inch, vibrator that can be used, not limited to, clit stimulation and various body sensations. Many dildos will come with these toys because they are cheap and vibrate through silicone. But bullets do not last forever. They have a low battery life (barely an hour) and are not meant to last a lifetime. Therefore, it is not surprising if a bullet dies after a few months. Never fear, they are easily offered at most sex shops. Okay, back from that tangent. I offer her a free cheap one speed bullet. (we keep a pack of them behind the counter) She comes into the store about ten minutes later for the free bullet, and ends up buying a new one as well (we sell three speed bullets, but have a case of the one speeds behind the counter for replacements) and yet again keeps describing to me how weird it is that her bullet broke so easily.
-Man comes in asking about leather male thongs that we used to carry. He buys vibrating anal beads, explaining that his last ones broke.
-Man comes in and buys one blue bullet and one green bullet. Wow, popular item today.
-Woman comes in to buy a vibrating egg. Bigger than a bullet, but the same concept. She tells me that hers broke, since the batteries weren't replaceable. When I explain to her that the batteries are just AA batteries she pauses, trying to remember whether she knew that. She shrugs and tells me she'll just return this if that's the case. She gets huffy with me when I explain to her that we have a no return policy, unless the toy is defective. She still buys it, but is very harsh towards me when leaving. Bitch.
-Old woman with kickass pick and black stripped fingerless gloves asks me to make change for $100. I am out of $20 bills, so I can't.
-Photographer that I worked with once came in to ask about showing his work at the shop. I am mortified that I did not recognize him and he had to remind me who he was, and that we did a nudes shoot. I am flustered the rest of the time, embarrassed for not recognizing him. I have a poor memory for faces.
-Couple comes in. They linger around the lube and porn. While I am ringing up their purchase of massage lotion and a leather cock ring, the girl asks me abruptly how much it will cost all together. I look at her weirdly, since, well, I was ringing up the products. So if she waited like two seconds, she would find out. She makes her boyfriend pay for it all, and is snobby leaving the store. What is with people today?
-Tall individual in leather jacket walks around the store chuckling creepily at everything. They leave after a few minutes.
-Woman comes in to buy things for her boyfriends birthday. She buys some lube, pleasure wipes, and fishnet gloves.
-Middle aged couple buys a dvd on female ejaculation
It's about halfway through my shift and I have run out of things to do.
-Couple asks me about porn meant for women. They heard about it on Oprah. Kinda know what they are talking about, but annoyed when people just follow Oprah's advice on sex, especially when she has made bad recommendations. And I have watched many of the porn she recommends, and I'm pretty sure she has not watched them herself. They end up buying a silicone vibrator by Evolved. Simple, waterproof, three-speed. And the silicone is really smooth, which is nice.