Advice for approaching a threesome

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My Blow Job Valentine

Valentines day

*breathe*

Valentine's day in sex shop world is, well, to put it bluntly....a fucking madhouse (pun intended).

From opening to closing it is a non-stop rush of people buying and asking and trying and looking. Keep in mind our store does a Valentines sale, which only adds to the chaos of fuck.

And fucking people will do. It is 6pm, the night before the big day and people are rushing for the perfect gift for their sweeties, be that someone else, or just themselves.

The most popular item sold today?
Handcuffs
Thank the kinky gods for that. Hopefully couples tonight will be exploring new dynamics in their relationships and open new sexual possibilitites for them.

Second:
Purple 5inch bullet vibrator.
Not a big suprise there. It's 18 bucks, and looks nice and simple.

Third:
Pjur silicone lube
Score for the silicone lube. Silicone is great for sex because it's smooth and waterproof and a little bit goes a very long way. The only downside is that it's a little messy since our bodies don't absorb it, so you need to clean it off or it won't go away and that may lead to stained sheets. boo!!! But silicone lube is GREAT for anal play. Lube that ol' ass up.

The most asked for item that we don't carry?
Throat numbing lube.
Now I get it, your partner has a big ol' dick and it hurts to suck it for too long or you want to push it farther into your mouth but you can't. That doesn't mean that numbing your throat is the answer. Think about it. If you numb it, how can you tell if you've torn something? Do you know how painful that will feel in the morning? Also, what if the numbing lube gets on your partner? A numb johnson doesn't sound so good. So let skip the numbing lube.

A trick to guzzling down big ones? Lay on your back with your head tilted back, so that your mouth and throat form a straight line. Straight line means easier throat access. And for the gentelman, it looks hot having someone bend backwards to go down on them. Also a trick is yawning or humming. This relaxes your throat muscles.

Okay enjoy!

It's hard out there for a PIMP

So this guy came in. He looks to be in his late 30s, since clothes and haircut. He asks to speak to the owner. As I was the only one working I asked what it was for (there are two owners, one takes care of orders, the other manages our classes). He said he manages girls and was wondering if we could put stripper poles in the store. I explained that we can't since it's expensive for insurance reasons. I asked what his buisness was and he said it was on his card. On the back of the card (which was brown with gold lettering) there was no description besides a list of shows.
Lollipop Shows
Toy Shows
Masterbation Shows
Ring toss
2 girl Shows

So after this guy left I looked up his website. The first thing that pops up is a panty-less bent over girl. Okay, so I figured he was a manager for strippers or something. It's better than that. He's a manager for entertainment girls, which means girls that you can hire for private parties and they will put on any kind of show for you (and by you I mean a group of males). So bachlor parties, birthday parties, etc. Except they will have sex with themselves and each other. Very explicitly. There is a no touching policy, but they will fuck each other live.

This guy is basically a legal pimp. He manages girls who are paid to go out and have sex for money. The only difference is that they have sex with each other for money. Personally I'm pretty impressed how close he is dancing around the prostitution line. Is the only difference between a hooker and a stripper the touching policy? What if the stripper masturbates with a dildo a foot away from the customer for money? Isn't that penetration?

I always question prostitution and it's legality. We can fuck each other for money so many different ways without it being illegal. Porn, live shows, entertainment girls. It's all fucking for money. But the people of the evening are the only ones who get fucked over.

Facial

I have the worst facial recognition. Especially with customers. There are frequent customers that I can recall, but usually when someone walks in, I'll have no idea if I've sold them anything before. Lucky them I guess. Some customers stand out, due to interactions or particular traits, but they usually get all clumped together. So it's really awkward when a person starts to talk to me ask if they know me. For instance a customer came in and headed straight for the back where the bathroom is. We usually do not let anyone use the bathroom unless we know them, ie, unless they are frequent. But he waved at me and went straight on back. I only recognized him when he made his masturbation sleeve purchase. He's very particular about his pecker.

Two girls came in today and talked to me very informally. Apparently they came to the class I taught last night and were just spouting out information I had said.

Oh and the other day I made eye contact with a guy on the street and he freaked out and avoided me immediately. Another frequent customer. He apparently didn't know what to do and thought I was going to out him.

Therapy Session on a Wednesday afternoon

Woman parks her bike in front of the shop
Goes over to the free information table.
Grabs one of everything.
Says she's on a journey for a vibrator she once had.
It was flesh colored, with a turning dial.
She didn't use it for sex, it was for her chakras.
I stood there for a good ten minutes while she talked in a perfect stream about things I could barely make out:
-She should have grabbed it when she had the change
-She didn't know if he was married or had kids
-Maybe he had used it
-It had this low turning thing
-She wants to travel to Utah for their sex toys
-Living with alcoholics
-Her parents being active people
-Maybe it was the drugs
-Buying "as seen on tv" breast pads because she's so tender
-or was her privates the tender part?
-Did I remember 7th and 8th grade? That's where she is right now
-She reported her family to the police
-Being a police man is a fad
-She reports the people she loves
-She wants to be good for her daughter
-Her parents copy other peoples lives
-The other people are very successful
-On a beach she once sat on her art folder and the razor that was under it turned on. It was a relaxing experience
-She might have brain cancer
-She has brain cancer
-She has head cancer
-Do we carry any lube that has alcohol in it?
-She likes watching male gay sex
-Once went to a place in SF and watched two guys in black latex have anal sex
-She enjoys anal sex, but only if it's with someone she likes
-Too bad she doesn't have a car, she wants to go to Vegas and Utah
-The colors of vibrators are made for old people

Customers of 1/20/09

-Three hippie youths coming in to look at the "green business" aspect of our store. They were a little put off that we don't sell books that just used recycled paper. But they were impressed with Form 2 by Jimmy Jane. It's waterproof and rechargeable. Score.

-Middle aged frequent customer couple comes in with a gift certificate for him. The female discloses to me while he's in the restroom that she is the dominant one in bed. She ends up buying a book on kinky sex by Midori.

-Another middle age couple has me explain a cock ring to them. I do a demo using a flaccid penis dildo. They poke around the store a little more before leaving giggling.

-Young female asks about Kegel muscle balls. Blushing she asks if they help if your boyfriend has a really big dick and you feel stretched out. She left with our card and our hours.

Pushing sex toys away

There are some products a sex shop cannot wait to get rid of. Not that we have anything against them or their creators or suppliers or lovers. Just if a toy sits on a shelf for months and no one buys it, it becomes a space hog for a new toy that would possibly sell better. As much as I wish we could carry every single sex toy in the world, we don't. And as much as I wish I could give away toys, I can't. This is a buisness afterall. A delisciously smutty buisness that sells devious devices and other things, but a buisness none the less.

There are certain steps in trying to get a product off the shelves. The first is to place it in an obvious location near something similar to it, but is more expensive. The unwanted sex toy suddenly looks more appealing because of it's low price and similarity to the other product. If that doesn't work, make it a special! By making a product the "special sale" of the month, it makes it more popular. Also cheaper. The last resort to pushing something off the shelves is to make it a prize. Our store has semi-annual raffles, where customers get to enter for free and recieve various prizes. Sorry if this spoils the secret, but half the time the product is something we are trying to get rid of. But a free sex toy is still free, right?